One type of art that helps replenish my love of life and fills my soul is Plein Air Painting.
Plein Air, translated from French into English, means 'outdoor', and that is the exact idea behind it; you leave the photos behind, leave the computer behind, pack your drawing materials, your painting materials, and head out to location, painting or drawing from sight.
Though plein air implies painting, or drawing, in the outdoors, sometimes sitting in a coffee shop or restaurant works just fine. 'People watching' becomes necessary for educational purposes when one engages in plein air painting, and the lessons learned from in-person work are irreplaceable.
Most of my experiences with plein air painting involves naturalistic places and subjects. When I go on hikes, or can grab some alone time for myself during camp outs, I prefer to take a little time to watercolor paint. Sitting spaces jump between rocks, logs, dirt, and just about anything that allows me to place my palette down flat. Well, mostly flat.
When I paint I do so with watercolors for time's sake; watercolor set up is quick, it's easy to make a small case to pack in and out, and I can usually spit out a full mini painting in one hour, making it perfect for getting a hike in as well, either before or after painting.
My case is simple; I bought a box with a small latch at a craft store, cut a small piece of light weight thin wood to use to clip my paper or mini sketchbook to, I bring two small clips, a Stillman & Birn mini watercolor book - Beta or Zeta series works great -, a small watercolor tray that closes all the way that includes space to mix, not just store paints, paper towels, a small thing of salt, a couple small paint brushes that fit in the box all the way, and occasionally I'll bring the small tubes of paint - I use Winsor & Newton Series 3 or 4, and am now giving Daniel Smith paints a try - to replace the paints in the case. Though I have the wood box, and that's what I started with, I recently bought and Art Bin to transfer things into. The bin can separate things a little more, allows for a TINY bit more room, and it feels more robust, less likely to be dropped and hinges break on me, or the clasp give way and everything tumble out.
I have a few large trays for watercolor painting, some forty colors in one of those trays, but honestly I've forgotten the majority of those colors and the tray. What I use now are the mini travel trays, even for my painting at home, and the five colors I use in those trays. My preferred method is to stick with a color scheme per mini tray; I'll pick the tone of yellow I want, the tone of red I want, and the tone of blue I want. On top of those three I might add a second red if I feel I need a colder or warmer tone that I can't get from the original choice, and I'll usually have a black or Payne's gray placed at one end of the tray. Sometimes going back to the most basic of color theory can simplify your process and create a unity in your paintings you might not gain otherwise. It allows me to relax more and not worry about deep color theory, and instead I can focus on pumping out a decent, nice little painting in the time allotted.
My favorite part about plein air painting is getting out, sometimes with music, and rarely being needed, interrupted, or surrounded by too many people. I can get away from my home where all the chores are constantly calling my name, where interruptions are unrelenting, and where I am NEVER alone. I think plein air painting was created by introverts.
The idea of going out plein air painting was introduced two ways to me; the first was through James Gurney. He creates within his studio as well, but his Color and Light book showed several plein air paintings, and his youtube and instagram had many videos and images on his outdoor painting adventures. The thought arose within me while looking through his pictures and videos "I can combine being outside AND art? I can do that? I thought that was only for fine art oil painters!". Thoughts like that floated around in my mind, and I dabbled a bit here and there in plein air painting, but didn't make much effort towards it until my friend Hannah(THANK YOU) began talking of it and we had the opportunity to go out a few times. She showed me the idea of having a little painting kit, or a Pochade Box, and how fun they could be to put together. I now have two of them that I swap between. I tried to keep costs low so I could focus on getting to the painting side of things rather than caught up in my pochade box design, but I have since saved many ideas on how to design and redesign my painting set up. Also, I found that James Gurney created a facebook group that focuses on plein air painting and Pochade box designing, which is very insightful and fun to browse through. I feel as if my own set up is still in it's infant stages so seeing how others have developed their boxes helps me plan for the future.
Plein air painting is still new to me in many ways, and I hope to find more time for it as my children grow older and are less dependent on me. My goal in the future is to get out a couple times each week to different places just to paint a little bit, and probably get a hike in as well. I need practice drawing buildings and people from life, but my heart will always remain in the wild places of the world.
Sorry, this post is a little bit of a downer, but I felt the need to write about it, let it out a touch. If you're having a hard time with depression or something please don't read this. It won't help, it's not a boost. I'm having a hard time just writing it and being willing to share it with ANYONE else because people have this opinion of me that I'm always happy, or that life is fine for me, or that I don't get depressed or sad because I'm a strong person. All of those assumptions are completely wrong, so this post is more of a little bit of what life is actually like for me. These feelings plague me, even as I work to remedy them year after year after year.
I promise I won't continually write posts like this. I just needed to get this one out. Maybe other's feel the same way.
When I was younger, pre-teen to teenager and even into early adult life, I had friends, some very different from who I was and what my beliefs were, but they were wonderful to me. I had a few really good friends that I loved spending time with. They meant the world to me! We had similar interests, loved to do similar things, uplifted each other, motivated each other, and I made a huge effort to be there for them, and some of them, though very few, made a similar effort for me. I really didn't feel alone during those days, I felt like I could share my thoughts and feelings about things, that if I was in need there was someone there that understood me, that would jump to help me just like I would for them. And by jump I mean I would fly, take a train, road trip, whatever needed to help out those friends. I would drop just about anything to help them on a moments notice if they were in great need. All other things could wait, and once in a great while one of those close friends would do the same for me. I loved them so much.
I don't know what happened, but they're all gone.
All the middle school and high school friends, all the college friends, mission friends, and I've come to the conclusion that I don't know how to make friends anymore because I try to at church, or even outside of church, and everyone is so busy with life that I become an acquaintance to everyone rather than an actual friend I can sit down and chat with. No one wants to talk with me, very rarely do people reach out to me unless they want something from me, which I'm happy to help! I love helping people, especially when they ask for it and I genuinely find other's stories interesting and worth my time, but at the same time, I don't have anyone like myself to talk to, to connect with regularly, to relate to or just have fun with anymore. There's no 'girl time', no 'going out with friends', no 'gotta help my friend out with-' or 'my friend is coming over to help out'. People gloss over me for the most part, and no one seems to have energy to connect anymore. I'm just another face and old memory. I feel like most my old friends treat me as if I'm already dead or something; they forget that I still live.
There's a lot of 'I' in all of this, and that idea often flitters through my brain, because I've been taught to look outside myself; perhaps other's feel the same way and I can break the trend? Maybe I can be the friend that someone else needs. Maybe I can lose myself in serving and thinking about others. I should be the one to reach out to others who need the same thing. I've heard all of those paths mentioned from other people, and my brain regurgitates them often. So I try them; I try to reach out to new people at church or at my kid's school, or neighbors again and again and again. I try to get in contact with old roommates, mission companions on occasion, or even high school friends. I try in little ways at times as not to 'bother' them or interrupt their lives too much. I want to create bonds, I don't want to make a nuisance of myself.
Apparently none of that works, or perhaps it made those people feel special and happy inside but I have no idea because they don't ever contact me back, or if they do it's a quick reply, almost as if they are trying to be polite but aren't actually interested in chatting with me. At all. Once in a while I'll get to chat with a person that seems like they'd be a great friend, and we really connect the few times we get to chat, but then long stretches go by where they become busy and I don't want to add more stress than they already have, so I wait and hope they remember me. Usually they don't. Or if they do they don't make any effort to contact me.
So for the most part I cry to myself, I go out by myself (to the grocery store mostly), I read about other peoples accomplishments in art or family or other things that interest me, and I keep it all to myself. Unless I call my dad and talk his poor ear off. I've dragged my husband a 'bout from time to time but I can tell he dreads going and doing some of the things I really want to, so then I just feel guilty and don't bring him or don't go at all. I pray for Heavenly Father to send me a friend, to help me find someone, to help me make those connections again. I've been praying for a few years now. Not much has happened, but I'm trying still because sometimes the Lord expects us to be patient. I just hope I don't have to wait until heaven. I don't want to feel alone that long.
My husband is an amazing man, and most the time I can chat with him about something basic; games, politics, opinions, home reno, travel ideas, dealing with kids, retirement, hiking, armored combat league, but when it comes to the things that I'm really excited about, books and my stories, events, art stuff, animals and personal goals and dreams, they aren't as relatable to him and it's hard to get in depth. Yes we laugh and share things, yes I love him and feel loved by him, and yes I trust him, but he has his own areas of interests and I think it's hard for him to see the importance in me pursuing my own interests as well because they are so different from his own. I'm not mad at him, nor do I think it a terrible thing that he likes such different things and doesn't understand my likes all the time, I actually encourage him to pursue the things he loves, and sometimes he tries to encourage me too, though I think he regrets having to take the kids when I do paint. They aren't exactly mild children.
So at this point I have no one, I don't feel the encouragement, I don't feel the deep connection with others like me, I don't feel like I have anyone that really understands me at all, and most the people I reach out to don't realize how desperate I am to just have a friend. A close friend again. Someone that calls/texts me back, that wants to make an effort to be there as well, that plans outings and such, with or without kids, to gallery events or fairs, or just to try a new market or go shopping for a bit. Or even to just sit down at a restaurant or café and just talk! I loved having art buddies because we could share information and were always so excited to progress and learn together. One of my best friends wasn't even an artist, but we loved so many of the same things that it didn't matter at all. We had so much fun, we laughed so much, and always looked forward to getting together. We spent years like that! After I got married it was like she disappeared though, as if she didn't want to reconnect with me, not even when we had young kids around the same time, and she never reached out to me again. Responses were simple replies that showed she obviously didn't feel like chatting with me. It hurts a lot, thinking about that. To me she was still one of my best friends and I still thought we had so many years to share as such, but apparently she didn't think the same. I really miss her.
I think often about the past, probably more than I should, because I feel terribly alone and heavy these days and it doesn't help.
I am my only motivation within my little artworld now, along with all the ghostly, encouraging echoes of strangers I've met at events and markets where I've shown my artwork. My ambitions to write during National Novel Writing Month and draw during Inktober each year are held up by myself alone until I realize no one else cares or seems to notice my goals (despite them being mentioned), so I let them slip away to deal with the crying, whining many needs of my children and husband, just to have someone ask later, "oh, weren't you doing that?", and then comes the sorrow and pain, knowing that it had been a goal, one I looked forward to, but no one else around me really understood, so it was seen as being something selfish and I end up feeling guilty about it...and yet people still think I am able to accomplish those goals. It makes me want to scream sometimes! How does one get anything good done in life without any encouragement and instead with constant guilt trips and interruptions by the ones you love? But you are still expected to accomplish the thing in the midst of all of that. How do you even find the motivation when you are all alone and everyone else thinks of those goals as frivolous, or something to be forgotten? I can't magically pull extra hours from the day, and when it's just for myself it's hard to say not to the needs of those around me in order to accomplish anything personal.
I really need a friend again. I miss the ones I had badly, and I want to be their friend still, but some of them don't want to be friends, some of them hate me and blamed me in the past for their sorrows, which doesn't make a lot of sense when I try to encourage others, especially when they made the choices they did. Some of them have their own difficulties they are trying to deal with, which is completely understandable and I wish I could help them, but at the same time that leaves me with no one. Some of them I spend sincere, deep moments with, but once I'm out of eye sight they forget I ever existed. They don't realize that friendship and connections mean more to me then that. I've expressed wanting to get together with many of them, and they say they'd love to. And then they never reach out again. I see everyone's posts on social media, all their struggles and happy moments that they choose to share, posts about family and friends and accomplishments. Plans and hopes and dreams and exciting and tough moments. I see them often enough, and I hate going onto social media now, because it says I have over 500 friends, but no one reaches out to me for years. I make a post once in a blue moon and not a single person I would usually call friend makes a comment or a like. They don't even check to see how I'm doing. No one. The people that do show encouragement are a few distant family members who I am trying to slowly create more of a bond with. I don't think they realize how much their comments and encouragement mean to me, because there is literally no one else. I am so grateful for them!
So now I'm at a cross roads; either I keep accepting the easy excuses, which are very acceptable for the most part, that everyone else is just too busy to be my friend, that they have their own difficulties and trials they're working through, or that maybe I just need to put forth a bit more effort. Or the second road; I recognize the pattern in front of me that keeps popping up time and time again, and realize that people are polite but actually don't want to be my friend, or don't want to connect with me, for some reason or other that I don't understand. That perhaps I'm more easily forgettable than I had thought before, or that I'm some sort of burden or difficult to be friends with. And I'm not saying all that to be depressing, but honestly, sometimes I wonder if there is something about me that makes it difficult for others to be my friend, or maybe its some sort of commitment problem people have, or maybe I'm just not reaching out enough and I have to be annoying to find friends these days.
I have no idea.
In the end, honestly, I just miss having friends. I miss having someone to talk with, someone to relate to and that is excited about spending time doing some of the same things as me. I don't like being the person that has to constantly drag my family out to do anything, I want someone else that's excited about things as well to talk with again. Is that too selfish of me? There's still a lot of 'I's' in there, but a good friendship goes both ways, so honestly I want to give as well, not just receive.
And if you are one of my old friends reading this, I miss you. I don't think bitterly about anyone, just that I wish they would talk with me once in a while, share their lives a bit, let me know how they're doing. I just miss you, no matter who you are.
Also, for family that reads this, I ALWAYS love talking with you guys, it makes me feel loved and not so alone. So feel free to reach out at any time you feel like chatting, I'm here for all of you and love you guys so much!
In my mind dragons represent the height of fantasy, the best of mythical creatures, a beast with endless possibilities. I've found that I love them in any form; from god-like to demonic, from beast to sentient being, laughable and loveable to terrifying and horrific, and from simply a physical creature to a thing of magic and awe. Their designs are almost as extensive and flexible as those of humans, where as I find other races within fantasy rather limited and living within specific characteristics. Those other races, though still wonderful, are not as versatile as dragons.
I get stuck on the things I love in art the most; armor, action poses, buildings, and dragons.
So here we are, in the month of August, and on many social media platforms the drawing prompt for this month is called 'Smaugust', or the month of dragons, named in honor of J. R. R. Tolkien's dragon Smaug from The Hobbit. I don't participate in every month's drawing prompts, but once in a while I see one that I think fits with what I am trying to accomplish. So for the month of August, for Smaugust, I took a little time to draw, for the fun of it, a chubby dragon. I used a little reference, mostly of a fat cat curled up, paws tucked in, looking rather content and probably purring. I'm sure my dragon is purring as well...or snoring. Probably snoring from the looks of it.
Sometimes I forget that I love drawing. Sometimes I forget that I want to paint. There are even times that I huff and puff about having to design an image with an awesome, inspiring subject. And yet, even with all this terrible-two-year-old attitude, I still stand with my nose in the air, proclaiming that I'm an artist and that I want to work at it full time the rest of my life.
So why all the temper tantrums, grumbling, complaining, and avoiding of work?
Well, I've noticed that if you study something on your own time long enough two things can, and most likely will, happen;
1.) You will get in the mindset that you know what you're doing so you just need to get the job done. In essence, you stop asking *questions. Which makes you miserable, even if you don't notice it at first.
2.) You will keep a curious mind, an explorer's mind, and experiment continually, making educated guesses, relearning the wheel and realizing that there's always something you saw wrong, something you didn't completely see, something you miss interpreted, or something you didn't notice at all. Here you keep asking *questions.
More often than not we end up jumping between the two, becoming stagnant when we don't stay curious, and then eventually turning things around because we realize the loathing we've built up for something that is a part of us, that we used to love. Maybe at times there are good excuses as to why we just "push through" a project rather than open our minds up to the opportunities to ask questions, grow, and learn. All excuses are, however, like what my husband says, "excuses are like butts; everybody has one and they all stink." Some excuses seem very legitimate, and we can always tell how right or terrible our excuses are by how often we give them, and by how important they are in comparison to our goal, project, and future. This is one of the reasons why curiosity and questioning is so important. When we get to the excuses and loathing stage it's like there's a tall stone wall there, difficult to climb and on the other side of the wall is our work. Problem is that it takes so long to get through the scrapes of complaint, the pull-ups of frustration, and the hand cramps of detest that by the time we've made it to the work aspect night has come on and we create a half passable piece of junk in the gloom that leaves us feeling unsatisfied and our understanding of our talents diminished. At times I feel like days pass when I'm in this mindset because instead of even climbing the wall I'm stuck trying to break it down by smashing my head against it again and again.
There is, remarkably, an easier way to go about this whole thing though!
Let curiosity lead you a little, observe your wall, question it's purpose, ignore the idea of climbing it - and head bashing it - and instead enjoy learning about it. You might just find that there are doors, keys, sometimes a friendly guide or two, that can help you traverse the wall and start work on the other side with plenty of light to spare. Suddenly, questions have led you to avoiding what could have been a painful, annoying, and more often than not, pointless ordeal.
Questions move us forward, and not just the questions, but following through with actions. Why is it that some people lean towards certain design elements, color themes connect with emotions, or specific paintings touch people in such a way that they are willing to spend fortunes on them, or the artist devotes all of their time, soul, and energy to a singular style of work? Sometimes the questions that lead to amazing images are very simple, like how does a medieval traveler dress, or what is a realistic shape for a spacecraft so it will actually "fly" through the cosmos? What are marriage customs across the world, and what is happening with the bones and muscles of a human body when they contort in mid air after tripping?
Other questions can control the entire way you make art; Where do I stand as a person in this life? What emotions do I want to send from myself, to image, and to the thousands, or millions, of people that might see it? How do I see color? Do other people see color and values the same way I do?
There are an endless amount of questions, some with solid answers, and others with no answer, and some with multiple or vague answers. It is, after all, an art all it's own; the art of questions.
Going back to what I mentioned before, about studying something on your own time; I have found that even through every class, every school, every article, every opinion, demo, speech, discussion, tutorial, report, and film, nothing compares to what you learn while studying something on your own time because you want to learn about it. For example, I have sat down and watched videos of other painters and read their blog posts, and I have had great epiphanies about how to go about my art. Those tend to jump up hot and vibrant in my mind, like the explosion of molten lava from a volcano. But as time goes on, if I don't sit down and experiment on that epiphany there's a good chance that it will cool over time and slip back down into the deep realm of forgotten knowledge. However, if I take that epiphany, thought, or idea, and sit down, do the research, play with the new materials and mediums, experiment with the value concepts or color combinations, then that molten hot bit of knowledge is discovered, polished, and found to be a gemstone, something that can be, when properly cut and polished even more, worth so much more than just the epiphany it had been. The time we put into something can help make it's true worth come out, whether for good or bad. The only way to know if it is worthwhile or not is to put the time into it.
This is where the process comes in. Just like the stone wall can be a painful process to get through/over, the process of preparing our art, from concept to finished piece, can suck us of all energy, patience, and joy if we go about it without that touch of curiosity. At each step, from initial thought process, through rough thumbnails, to studying histories, stories, elements that might be vital to the image, value schemes, color schemes, maybe other artists to try an understand options and ideas that are similar or have been done well, to photo reference, costuming, lighting setups, finding a way to collect the right models, and then doing more detailed thumbnails from the gathered information, can be a beast to deal with. Let's now add to all of it the experimenting in photoshop if you do, piecing together photo references to have a better image to work from, and then prepping your surface or equipment properly, transferring any images to your work surface, and then slowly starting the process of actually making the art piece.
Yes, it really can be a beast! Lucky for us, we have curiosity and questions to guide us through! Each of these bits of the process are there to HELP not HINDER, so that by the time we get to the actual piece of work most of the hard parts are finished, we can see how our image will turn out to a degree simply by exploring it at it's most basic steps. Like strolling around the base of the wall with interest, finding a key, the door, helpers along the way, and putting forth the energy of the mind, we've simplified and taken control of the situation, asking the right questions where needed and being excited by each little discovery.
Some of my favorite parts of the process are thumbnail sketches, studying, and the photo shoot for reference - which shooting your own photos is waaaaay more fun than looking for similar ideas in stock photos online for hours. Plus it's a legitimate reason to stockpile costuming and write it all off in your taxes.
*To the left are the thumbnail sketches I began with, and they eventually evolved into what is on the right, which gave me direction on what photo reference I needed and ideas on color schemes.
Studying has to be one of my favorite things to do ever. I like to study just about everything, understand it all, and with art that opens so many ways as to how I can use that knowledge. For a specific image I love studying similar illustrations, maybe some golden age illustrators, master painters, or even more modern day artists. Usually this studying is done in regards to their image design, or perhaps their values or colors that are similar to how I want my own image to feel. At the moment I'm trying to slip out of what college roommates and I call the "rainbow vomit" phase of painting. For some it's the right place to be, but for me it screams "I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO WORK WITH COLOR SO I PUT THEM ALL IN AS VIVID AS I CAN!". So studying other color palettes goes a long way to bettering my skills. Plus it's like master studies but all over my own drawing. In this I get to be curious about how other illustrators might paint my images, or better yet, I get to ask the question, "what if I can paint at that skill level?". This allows me to push myself with curiosity giving me energy and focus. It pushes away my doubts by just trying what the question hints at.
Photo reference shoots can be some of the most fun out of the whole process of creating a piece of art. Yes, it can be awkward, you have to work with another person or people, and set up can take time, but I have laughed soooooo much during this part of the process. My models have a great time, I get a ton of new images, some that might be useful for later as well, and more often than not I'm able to make great friendships, or contacts, start, or become stronger, through those photo shoots. On top of all that my curiosity tends to take over; I'm able to see new ways of interpreting my concept, some poses might actually work better than what I had originally thought, and my understanding of how the human body moves is deepened, which is important to my style of work. You can't completely control every aspect of how a photo shoot goes or how a person moves and expresses themselves, so you have to become flexible, allowing the questions to come forward.
YOU CAN DO IT!
I GIVE YOU PERMISSION!
BE CURIOUS!
ASK QUESTIONS!
It's time to mention those two groups I pointed out before, the one that asks questions and the one that doesn't; they are a cycle, but one of them is a trap and the other gives freedom and progression in your craft. You need to recognize when you've put yourself in the trap. The cool thing is that the key to your release is recognition and the courage to let go of your pride, open the door, and walk out to an ever changing world with endless questions and answers.
In the curiosity and willingness to learn is the happiness and excitement to your craft. You don't have to wait until the finished piece, you can have joy in the process now.
*Book suggestion; How To Get Ideas by Jack Foster





















