You know all those 'special days' that we all look forward to? That we spend money and time on? Or that we're, in general, supposed to enjoy? I'll name off a few to clarify;
Christmas, Thanksgiving, 4th of July, birthdays, family photo days, get togethers with others, weddings, and a whole bunch of others, including Halloween and Sundays for us church goers.
Which Halloween fell on a Sunday. So double whammy.
Well, I gotta say, they are the hardest days for me to enjoy now. I look forward to them, remember them fondly, an and prep for them, but then the day comes and all of my hopes of having a special day, creating some new family memories, making it fun or relaxing or just enjoyable in general, are for the most part shattered. Sometimes it's not too bad, other days it makes me want to hide in a cave somewhere just to get away from the anger, hurt, anxiety, and depression of it all.
I'll give an excellent example of this; I love family photos, I've done photography for a while as a professional, and once we had our last child I was ecstatic to finally do yearly family photos. The first year wasn't too bad, everyone complained, including my parents, we chose a location where we could go apple picking as well, I did the photos myself so the cost was low and we weren't as tight on timing or location.
We got through it, even though everyone kind of ganged up on me to complain and grumble and constantly express their dislike of family photos. I was determined though, and in the end everyone liked the photos and were happy they had them!
So this year I wanted less grumbling and discontent; I picked out outfit colors, we did some of the shopping before hand and some last minute. I found a professional photographer who picked out a location for us. A half hour to get there and a half hour for taking photos is all.
I came away from that series of family photos crying. My eldest son was bouncing off the walls, not listening at all, and slammed his younger brother's face into the ground near the end. The youngest was hungry and crying or screaming almost the whole time, we couldn't get pictures of him alone or with his brother at all. And my husband was griping the entire time, huffing and yelling at our son, talking about how much he hates family pictures and how stupid they are.
Some how the photographer got some very cute pictures still.
By the time we were heading home everyone was miserable and I was hurt pretty bad by how little everyone cared about the fact that I at least wanted family photos. Why did it have to be such a fight to get some decent family photos, even against my husband?! Why did no one care about how much time and effort I put into things like this, but instead went out of their way to ruin the things I thought were special?
This is how every holiday, Sunday, family home evening, etc, has gone for the last five years. I don't know what to do honestly except give up.
The closer we got to Halloween this year the snapper and more dark our home seemed to feel. It's supposed to be fun! We're supposed to do things as a family, like carve pumpkins, pick out costumes, decorate, make baked goods, and of course go trick or treating! This year we managed to pick out pumpkins because I made it happen. I decorated the front door because I made it happen. The kids have costumes last minute BECAUSE I FORCED EVERYONE TO GO! And then we missed everything else from corn mazes to carving pumpkins to mixing up which day the trunk or treat was on. We even had to hold trick or treating hostage because of how difficult our 5 year old has been.
I woke up this morning, my husband an absolute angry, shut downed mess determined to snap at everyone around him and a headache on top, my eldest boy struggling to listen and being stubborn about half the things we are telling him to do or not do, and the youngest screaming all morning at my feet while I'm trying to be a good mom and make pumpkin pancakes and scrambled eggs for breakfast.
After managing to feed both children, while losing my temper a handful of times, and then kicking them and the dog outside for a while, I managed to finally voice my concerns to my husband about the day and that I wanted him to take a long nap during Perrin's nap time, while my eldest son, Quinn, and I headed off to church. I wanted to start the day over after church and that involved my husband's attitude changing, which usually only a nap will have an effect on him, and my attitude needed to change too, which meant getting to church with Quinn so he could be out with other people, and so that maybe some time learning to love others, love myself, and love Christ might help flip my current dark feelings.
We made it to church early with Tim and Perrin sleeping at home before we left, a few activity books for Quinn, and chocolate for me. Before leaving I mentioned to Quinn that I needed help being happy today, and that we needed to help daddy be happy too. He agreed to be a helper and act good and to let us know if we're being too grumpy.
Hopefully I'll be humble enough to listen to my son when he points out my needed attitude changes.
Anyways, I made it to church. I made it early, and my hope is to turn this day around, back to being a day of fun, of laughing, of good memories. I'm not going to let every 'special day', be ruin by bad attitudes, exhaustion, rebellious children, and my anxiety.
After church we will sit outside since it's nice out, let the dog play, ignore the indoor chores for a moment, and carve pumpkins. All of us. We will make dinner early and then go out trick or treating with plenty of time for the kids to have fun. All of us. Then we will go home, help kids into bed, read a Halloween book and sing bedtime songs. At the end of the day I'll spend some time with my husband doing something relaxing that we would both like to do and go to bed early.
I will figure out how to gain peace and happiness in my home, even on the 'special days'. I know it will be an ongoing battle, but I don't want to fail my family.
Have any of you guys felt like the 'special days' have become tougher? Do you have any ways that have helped you make them enjoyable again, despite difficulties.
UPDATE: Church was wonderful, I felt much better after going, and Quinn was acting much better as well. I managed to focus once getting home, set down three rules of no arguing, no yelling, and when tempers flare up we walk away instead of losing them. My husband agreed and though he had a cold still and was pretty tired, we split the work with him wanting to make something special for dinner and me helping Quinn with a family project, (making a turkey for class). We finished both, had dinner on time, and got the kids ready for trick or treating. I opted to go out with the kids so that daddy could rest and answer the door for trick or treaters (there were none because we live on a busy, unlit road).
We have a creepy alligator and a Pipmunk for Halloween!
The kids and I had a blast for almost two hours in the neighborhood down a block. I thought it might be scarce pickings for trick or treaters because we live in a high Latter-Day Saint area and most of them did trunk or treat, or trick or treated on Saturday night instead, but to my surprise about 75% of the neighborhood was prepped and ready for kids to come by. Perrin thought the whole experience rather unique and interesting, and Quinn scored big time, about 6lbs worth of candy. He loved it so much!
When we got home daddy helped go through candy and we let the boys have a few pieces before bundling them off to bed. They slept solid, with only one wake up from Perrin during the night. It was a much better afternoon and evening!
On to the next 'special day'; THANKSGIVING! Gotta make sure we all have good attitudes for that one too!
