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My Story Thus Far (2021)

My first passion in life really was books! I spent almost all of my time reading, usually fantasy, but occasionally others as well. Fondest of all were books like the Redwall series by Brian Jaques, My Side of the Mountain and Julie of the Wolves by Jean Craighead George, and The Dark is Rising series by Susan Cooper. I still own all of these books today. While immersing my imagination in these delicious stories I stumbled upon the idea of art quite by accident; I remember searching for more books within the Redwall series on the internet (which was nothing like it is today!), and caught a glimpse of Ainsley Seago's artwork. It fit so perfectly with how I thought of the characters in the Redwall series that my eyes gobbled up every image and I saved all of her paintings that I could find! I had no idea what 'train' I had just climbed up into, but from Seago's artwork I found other websites showcasing similar art, usually referred to as 'anthropomorphic' or 'furry' art. I began trying to draw her little characters as well, copying a bit here and there to figure out how to draw faces, eyes, hands, bodies and feet.

Apparently I wasn't much good at it though, because during seventh grade, while just trying my hand at drawing I remember someone commenting on how terrible my images looked. This didn't deter me however; I have a rather stubborn streak, and whenever someone tells me I can't do something I tend to put all of my focus and energy into proving them wrong. Those comments and criticisms only spurred me on to show other's that I could learn to do whatever I wanted to. In the constant effort to gain experience I found other similar artists that fascinated me with their different styles and craftsmanship; Heather “Kyoht” Luterman and Christy “Goldenwolf” Grandjean were a few of the main influencers during that time, and I spent a lot of time leaning towards learning how to draw these more wolf and coyote style characters.

At the time I also began dog sledding, and my artwork was influence heavily by that as well. I began drawing images of dogs, practicing drawing eyes, ears, and fur often, and I even managed to sell some artwork as teenager. Eventually I happened upon Tracy Butler as well, and that's where things began to take a turn in a different direction for me. Tracy's art, usually focusing on her stories as well, swapped between anthropomorphic art and humans, and it was her human drawings that drew me in. She had such beautiful drawing skills and details, especially with clothing and decorative patterns which was always hard for me. The constant influence and thirst for new artwork and ideas lead me to several different useful websites and people, ones that made me want to work harder and gain more experience. Deviant Art came into play at that point, and with it I found Stephanie Pui-Mun Law, Loish, and a number of other amazing individuals. The internet really was one of the most influential resources in my life, and is still incredibly useful. However, one of the people that has influenced me from my earliest of art days to today I didn't find on the internet at all, but on my sister's bookshelf; the covers on Anne McCaffrey's Dragon Riders of Pern books were spectacular, on a whole different level than anything I had ever considered trying before, and are painted by Michael Whelan. His combination of realistic lighting, color, anatomy, mixed with believable designs of fantasy worlds and creatures seemed so far out of reach to me, but spurred my imagination like no other. Especially, at the time, his dragons I found mesmerizing. How could anyone create such amazing images from their mind? I had no idea that people combined the use of photo reference and imagination to create paintings at this level.

Diving into college I found other influences; gardening and plants, more books (Brandon Sanderson, Fablehaven, mostly fantasy), Anime, folklore, and other artists along the same lines as Michael Whelan, such as Jon Foster, Dan Dos Santos, Donato Giancola, Alan Lee, John Howe, Brian Froud, etc. Almost all of the individuals I began to follow were concept illustrators for games and movies, or book illustrators that focused on traditional painting, often larger images, and whose images were polished in a way I hadn't learned yet. I spent so much of my time trying to reach towards skills that confused me, that overwhelmed me, and with the expectation within myself that I should be able to do what all of these professionals with far more experience than I were doing. My mind reached and I felt like I failed time and time again while learning new mediums, such as the computer and oil painting, and while being constantly distracted by college expectations and needs. I spent five years in college and came out feeling so jumbled with knowledge that I didn't know how to use that as I tried to find work I became confused, afraid, insecure, and depressed.

My artwork had come a long way, especially in my drawing and anatomy skills, but the rest looked foreign to me, as if someone else was creating it. Each piece I painted, whether for myself of a client, had it's moments that made me smile, and I was always happy to finish something, but then I would look at it and realize it wasn't at the level of craftsmanship I really wanted to be at. Why could I not figure this out?! It wasn't until much later, spending time on a mission for my church in Brasil, and starting life over in Arizona that I began to grasp what was wrong. I didn't actually like my own style of art.

It wasn't bad, but it wasn't what I would ever follow, be in awe of, or even consider as a style to try and learn from. My colors were all wrong, my lighting wrong, more often than not I wasn't using proper photo reference, and I often compromised on letting parts of my drawings and paintings not reach a higher level for the sake of just getting something done. On top of all that, I wasn't planning out my images as fully as I could have or should have. I didn't like my own artwork. I had done whatever I felt was necessary to try and make my artwork work for my monetary needs (as in basic survival!), creating what I thought people wanted, had given up so much for it, and was miserable with the outcome. It was time to start over, learn to love making artwork again and being proud of what I was creating. Now is when those skills I had learned in college began to come back to me, but instead of letting all of that information overwhelm and confuse me I decided to pick out the pieces and bits that I felt worked with me and what I wanted. I wanted to be my master again and be excited about what I was learning and creating. At about that point, realizing what I wanted to do to reach my next tier of learning, my husband and I had our first child, and most of my ambitions came to a sudden screeching halt. It took me a while, to find a balance between giving to my family all that they needed from me, and making sure I was taking time for myself. I admit, I don't feel like I'm progressing as much as I'd like, but there is nothing that can replace me in the lives of my children, and I would never sacrifice my relationship with my husband, so my art time took a back seat. The break from doing art constantly, I think, was actually a life savor; this gave me time to think and contemplate what I wanted to achieve with my art, slowly plan out images, get better at photography for my own reference, and at the same time it meant I didn't have to feel like I was neglecting my family. Once my first child grew a little though I began to make efforts once more. This time I tried to see how far I could push myself, put forth some real effort to create an image I thought worthwhile. That's where my Direwolf painting came in. I never finished it though; my carpal tunnels began to have major issues whenever I painted digitally. The wacom tablet began to be pure torture and the most I could paint was for a half hour at a time, with several hours, or even a few days, of rest needed in between adding to the painting. I finally gave in and started drawing and painting traditionally, abandoning my digital painting skills, and starting all over again with real brushes.

Again, I had a child, now two wonderful children in my life, but it didn't leave me worried about taking a break or slowing down my goals a little this time. Instead, it gave me a chance to focus on simple drawings, meeting other artists, learning more through watching tutorials, timelapses, reading articles like those in Muddy Colors, and summoning up the courage to show at events regularly for the first time. I was learning to face my fears, find new avenues to learn, and recognize the holes in my knowledge and abilities. These breaks gave me a chance to start over again and again, not clinging to old habits and expectations. They allowed me to become somewhat malleable again, willing to change, and willing to reassess what I really want to create and what my end goals are. My children are now both over one year old, and I have the chance to work a bit here and there. I do not take commissions so that I can focus on my education; there will always be time for work later when I'm creating the right kind of artwork to draw in clients with work I'm interested in. Until then, I take every minute I can to learn and grow. My focuses might seem spread out a bit, but I feel I am on the right track; -Proper image planning -Using reference photos -Drawing & Painting from life regularly (plein air) -Learning to use oil paints in a way I like -Continual study of art techniques (I watch several artists that help me learn what I think will help me get to where I want; Donato Giancola, Dan Dos Santos, Howard Lyon, Michael Whelan, James Gurney, Dave Santillanes, Vladimir Volegov, Justin & Anne Gerard, Alan Lee, and John Howe. There are several others that have passed away as well, old masters, art nouveau illustrators, and impressionists mostly) -Learning to paint environments -Testing more color theory ideas and combinations

All of these areas are helping me reach my own expectations, little at a time. I'm spending more time finding joy in the process than worrying about getting huge full paintings done, and at the same time the level of craftsmanship and the general design of my art seems to be improving, hopefully in ways that will help me reach my goals.